So, I have never liked to hear people call other people retarded. It is an unkind word almost never used in context. Yet, people from all walks of life use it to describe people or situations that they think are anything from unfair to ridiculous.
Among those in the special needs community, there are very strong feelings about this word. Because Down syndrome and other syndromes are associated with mental impairment, parents get pretty upset and outraged when people throw around the world retarded. No one wants their kid to be called names and certainly not 'retarded'.
But, I don't necessarily assume that people hear the word retarded and think of Lauren or anyone else like Lauren. And I, for one, don't want them to. I would never want anyone to hear the word retarded and automatically think of Down syndrome. But honestly, i don't think that people do. Most people don't really know what the word means anyway, so I can't expect them to to know that much about DS or mental impairment.
Yes, the word gets used inappropriately and I think people should be more careful about what they say.
But what about the word lame?Or Gay? If we are to get on our high-horse about people using the word retarded, shouldn't we also be careful not you use the words, lame and gay? Do people with unusable limbs or homosexuals deserve for words describing their 'condition' to be used inappropriately. Of course not.
All I am trying to say is that if we are going to be so careful about language, then let's expand it to other words, too. Not just the ones that personally affect us.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Not much time to post today.
It was a full, busy Saturday. I had class today from 9-2:30 (was supposed to go until 5, so getting out early was a great surprise) because the kids had parties to attend.
The first was Miss Mary's Halloween extravaganza! Mary is a friend of ours and Gabe's former preschool teacher. She has an amazing home and pole barn and hosts the parties there every year. She provides moon walks, hay rides, drinks, food and asks that everyone who comes to bring a dish to pass and candy to hand out. We sit on hay stacks which have been placed to form a path through the pole barn and all of the little one's Trick or Treat.
Gabe was a Tiger
Lauren was a Princess
(pictures will be forth coming)
On the way home from that party, Gabe had a party to attend for out next door neighbor. This one was held at McDonalds and Gabe asked me to stay as well. So, i hung out with the grownups and watched Gabe run around for awhile. Snuck in a few fries, too.
After getting home from that we had to hide Gabe's Halloween candy stash from Dad (Chaz doesn't read my blog but don't tell him that the candy is in the drawer of Gabe's bed) and get the youngest kids ready for bed.
And that is where they now are. I feel like I got alot done today but the house is a mess so I already know what i'll be doing tomorrow after church tomorrow.
ta ta for now!
It was a full, busy Saturday. I had class today from 9-2:30 (was supposed to go until 5, so getting out early was a great surprise) because the kids had parties to attend.
The first was Miss Mary's Halloween extravaganza! Mary is a friend of ours and Gabe's former preschool teacher. She has an amazing home and pole barn and hosts the parties there every year. She provides moon walks, hay rides, drinks, food and asks that everyone who comes to bring a dish to pass and candy to hand out. We sit on hay stacks which have been placed to form a path through the pole barn and all of the little one's Trick or Treat.
Gabe was a Tiger
Lauren was a Princess
(pictures will be forth coming)
On the way home from that party, Gabe had a party to attend for out next door neighbor. This one was held at McDonalds and Gabe asked me to stay as well. So, i hung out with the grownups and watched Gabe run around for awhile. Snuck in a few fries, too.
After getting home from that we had to hide Gabe's Halloween candy stash from Dad (Chaz doesn't read my blog but don't tell him that the candy is in the drawer of Gabe's bed) and get the youngest kids ready for bed.
And that is where they now are. I feel like I got alot done today but the house is a mess so I already know what i'll be doing tomorrow after church tomorrow.
ta ta for now!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
the love that is Lauren
It seems like ever since Lauren was born, people have really wanted to see her and be around her. Friends delight in her, strangers notice her and say sweet things and acquaintances just want to get a glimpse of her from time to time. They all want their "Lauren fix".
That's just how it is with her. What are ya gonna do?
Lauren seems extra special to me, too. It may or may not have anything to do with that extra chromosome. Maybe it has something to do with the anxiety I went through while pregnant with her which was so entirely preempted by the joy of her birth. Her happy smiles which make her eyes shine have something to do with it. Her gentle nature...that is becoming less gentle and more demanding, is just nice to be around.
Yes, people with Down syndrome have been stereotyped as so sweet and gentle. There are worse things to be. Sure, she's moody and demanding and fussy at times (yes, really) but man, that almost seems like an aside when compared to what joy she brings. I call her my little ray of sunshine.
She's asleep right now and the boys are on the top bunk doing an animal search book. I'd like to find the person who started that trend and pop em in the face. Why oh why must I be subjected to these books? They are so dear to Gabe and he likes nothing more than to have someone sit with him while he finds the 45 emperor penguins which are cleverly intermixed with the 71 king penguins and 112 seagulls. What a cruel world it can be :) I will have to be sure to tell Davrin how much I appreciate him taking the time to do this book with him.
Goodbye for now!
That's just how it is with her. What are ya gonna do?
Lauren seems extra special to me, too. It may or may not have anything to do with that extra chromosome. Maybe it has something to do with the anxiety I went through while pregnant with her which was so entirely preempted by the joy of her birth. Her happy smiles which make her eyes shine have something to do with it. Her gentle nature...that is becoming less gentle and more demanding, is just nice to be around.
Yes, people with Down syndrome have been stereotyped as so sweet and gentle. There are worse things to be. Sure, she's moody and demanding and fussy at times (yes, really) but man, that almost seems like an aside when compared to what joy she brings. I call her my little ray of sunshine.
She's asleep right now and the boys are on the top bunk doing an animal search book. I'd like to find the person who started that trend and pop em in the face. Why oh why must I be subjected to these books? They are so dear to Gabe and he likes nothing more than to have someone sit with him while he finds the 45 emperor penguins which are cleverly intermixed with the 71 king penguins and 112 seagulls. What a cruel world it can be :) I will have to be sure to tell Davrin how much I appreciate him taking the time to do this book with him.
Goodbye for now!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Long time no see
I've failed the 21 for 31 challenge, miserably. I've logged on and wondered what I had to say that wasn't depressing or negative and couldn't find anything so just moved on to other sites that were more interesting and uplifting.
The past couple of weeks have been a bit more trying than usual. I have 5 children and i've yet to have a day or week when 1 of them isn't going through something - an illness, or a hissy-fit or some other intrapersonal experience that is not compatible with my life.
Take for instance, THIS MORNING. After rousing from a nice codeine-induced sleep, I woke up to Lauren's jibber jabber and the alarm clock. It was time to get moving and get things going. After grabbing some clean clothes for Gabe, I bring LoLo downstairs and see if Gabe would like some cereal for breakfast. Yes....okay, we're off to a good start.
Gabe is 5 and much more strong-willed than I. Fast forward to the crucial drop-off at Meadow Montessori. By 7:40 I have 6 children in my van - 2 of my own (Gabe and Lauren) and 4 that I drive. Gabe's desire was to get out of the van first...or at least not last. But this didn't happen so he was grumpy. Then, he didn't want to take his coat. Then the 'headmistress' of the school cam to try and help me get him going but gave up and told me I was holding up traffic and needed to pull up. I did get Gabe out of the van,,,,but that is as far as we got. After 20 long minutes of arguing and threats of punishement, Gabe, Lauren and I headed back home.
So, Gabe didn't go to school today...and he's grounded from "media" for a week.
Following this was the experience of rousing and delivergin Ada to her school. She was teary-eyed when I dropped her off but she went. Success, of sorts. ( I did call later and found out that she was fine...taking part in stuff at school.)
Next was the issue of taking Lauren to Baby Hugs. I have (had) a paper due for my consulting class and knew that I had to get it done today!
She cried when I left her but I let them know that I would call at 11:30 and that if she wasn't doing well, I would come get her before nap time.
Anyway,,, I know this is all pretty boring stuff. But, it's my life. My friend Pam called around noon and I was so upset that I couldn't talk to her or tell her how badly I felt about...about everything in my life. I worked on my paper and sniffled for the next hour. Gosh, it was great; you should have been there!
The day ended okay and now, finally, i'm fulfilling my desire to post on my blog.
that's it for now
The past couple of weeks have been a bit more trying than usual. I have 5 children and i've yet to have a day or week when 1 of them isn't going through something - an illness, or a hissy-fit or some other intrapersonal experience that is not compatible with my life.
Take for instance, THIS MORNING. After rousing from a nice codeine-induced sleep, I woke up to Lauren's jibber jabber and the alarm clock. It was time to get moving and get things going. After grabbing some clean clothes for Gabe, I bring LoLo downstairs and see if Gabe would like some cereal for breakfast. Yes....okay, we're off to a good start.
Gabe is 5 and much more strong-willed than I. Fast forward to the crucial drop-off at Meadow Montessori. By 7:40 I have 6 children in my van - 2 of my own (Gabe and Lauren) and 4 that I drive. Gabe's desire was to get out of the van first...or at least not last. But this didn't happen so he was grumpy. Then, he didn't want to take his coat. Then the 'headmistress' of the school cam to try and help me get him going but gave up and told me I was holding up traffic and needed to pull up. I did get Gabe out of the van,,,,but that is as far as we got. After 20 long minutes of arguing and threats of punishement, Gabe, Lauren and I headed back home.
So, Gabe didn't go to school today...and he's grounded from "media" for a week.
Following this was the experience of rousing and delivergin Ada to her school. She was teary-eyed when I dropped her off but she went. Success, of sorts. ( I did call later and found out that she was fine...taking part in stuff at school.)
Next was the issue of taking Lauren to Baby Hugs. I have (had) a paper due for my consulting class and knew that I had to get it done today!
She cried when I left her but I let them know that I would call at 11:30 and that if she wasn't doing well, I would come get her before nap time.
Anyway,,, I know this is all pretty boring stuff. But, it's my life. My friend Pam called around noon and I was so upset that I couldn't talk to her or tell her how badly I felt about...about everything in my life. I worked on my paper and sniffled for the next hour. Gosh, it was great; you should have been there!
The day ended okay and now, finally, i'm fulfilling my desire to post on my blog.
that's it for now
Saturday, October 11, 2008
alone yet united
Sometimes, really, I feel so very alone in my journey with Lauren which is odd because I know that i'm not and I know that there are thousands of other parents 'out there' just like me. Or at least, sort of like me.
I read alot, I spend alot of time online and I try to interact with lots of "real" people, too. I reach out to others and sometimes, they reach back to me.
Raising Lauren is not a difficult task. Yes, she has Down syndrome but that is not that hard, at least not anymore. The first year was pretty exhausting but we got things figured out and she has been in really good health for the past 9 months. There are appointments for therapy and the missing hearing aid and my own incessant need to constantly stimulate her. But, in reality, her easy going nature, smooth disposition and adorable smile make her quite delightful. She does not make the demands on me that her 5 year old brother does...not even close!
Back to the loneliness thing. It may just be me, but I find it hard to feel part of the big picture of "the world" or even of the "Down syndrome world" in the way I would like to. I'm either too tired, too broke, too busy or too unconnected. I'm out alot but not really doing things other than driving kids to school, running errands or going to appointments for anyone of my 5 children.
I used to be part of group of mothers who all met at La Leche league. We planned weekly get togethers and outings and it really helped the first years with Gabe feel full, interesting and fulfilling. And, while I've met lots of great people since Lauren was born, I don't have that type of group anymore. And, I wonder if I ever will. Will we be (or have we been ) left out or not invited because of Lo Lo's DS, because of her slower development?
When I go online or read books, such as Road Map to Holland (by Jennifer Graf Groneberg), I get the chance to get plugged in again for awhile. I've learned so much from my online community of friends - we share the trials and joys of our experiences and have a bond forged from common fears, discoveries and chromosomes.
I guess I just wish things were different for awhile. I wish that it wouldn't be that hard to make new friends and I wish that that feeling I get sometimes, that we really are all connected would last and would mean something. And, I wish that I could shake away these lonely feelings that I get sometimes, because I know that my life is meant to be full, interesting and fulfilling. Maybe even happy...not despite what i've been through but because of it.
I read alot, I spend alot of time online and I try to interact with lots of "real" people, too. I reach out to others and sometimes, they reach back to me.
Raising Lauren is not a difficult task. Yes, she has Down syndrome but that is not that hard, at least not anymore. The first year was pretty exhausting but we got things figured out and she has been in really good health for the past 9 months. There are appointments for therapy and the missing hearing aid and my own incessant need to constantly stimulate her. But, in reality, her easy going nature, smooth disposition and adorable smile make her quite delightful. She does not make the demands on me that her 5 year old brother does...not even close!
Back to the loneliness thing. It may just be me, but I find it hard to feel part of the big picture of "the world" or even of the "Down syndrome world" in the way I would like to. I'm either too tired, too broke, too busy or too unconnected. I'm out alot but not really doing things other than driving kids to school, running errands or going to appointments for anyone of my 5 children.
I used to be part of group of mothers who all met at La Leche league. We planned weekly get togethers and outings and it really helped the first years with Gabe feel full, interesting and fulfilling. And, while I've met lots of great people since Lauren was born, I don't have that type of group anymore. And, I wonder if I ever will. Will we be (or have we been ) left out or not invited because of Lo Lo's DS, because of her slower development?
When I go online or read books, such as Road Map to Holland (by Jennifer Graf Groneberg), I get the chance to get plugged in again for awhile. I've learned so much from my online community of friends - we share the trials and joys of our experiences and have a bond forged from common fears, discoveries and chromosomes.
I guess I just wish things were different for awhile. I wish that it wouldn't be that hard to make new friends and I wish that that feeling I get sometimes, that we really are all connected would last and would mean something. And, I wish that I could shake away these lonely feelings that I get sometimes, because I know that my life is meant to be full, interesting and fulfilling. Maybe even happy...not despite what i've been through but because of it.
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Gabe, Curtis and Dav
Future Drummer?
SWEET LAUREN
