the gift in the back seat

Today as we were driving with some of our kids to the Toledo Zoo, I glanced back into the van to see Lauren. There she was tightly secured in her car seat: her sweet face and bright eyes were shining back at me through her nubby, pink sweater and her ever-moving feet were kicking and bouncing in anticipation of the adventure we were on. To her right was her big sister, Ada, whose name very well could mean "she who adores Lauren". Those two have a simple yet complete love for one another.

Every now and then I can't get over how this feeling of pure "wow, I am so lucky to have her" flashes through me. I never asked for or wanted a child with Down syndrome and was so not happy about the 'diagnosis' when I first found out. I think it was very much okay to have the feelings and fears I had and felt and I'm glad that I could process them as much as I did before meeting Miss Lauren face to face.

That is so much water under the bridge now, thankfully. Because if I were still so busy trying to convince myself that either Lauren was some sort of insurmountable obstacle & challenge or consolation prize i.e. not really like having another daughter or some other thing, I wouldn't be able to enjoy her that much. I think I'd be too busy feeling sorry for her, my family or myself. I'd be too busy wondering what others think about Lauren. Truthfully, I want everyone to see and know Lauren and to become acquainted with her special brand of sweetness.

The gift in the back seat brings me joy unlike anything else in my life. I really mean that. And every time that I look at her face beaming at me, I hope that I feel as blessed as I did today.