Hope is the best isn't it? I run out of hope sometimes because I get bogged down and worn out and sad that it is so hard to have the life I want and deserve. Why can't I have lush green grass in my back yard instead of a patchy dirt lawn that the kids enjoy but don't get to enjoy the way I want them to? Why can't my house be clean and free of clutter and peaceful? Why?
Some people believe that children like Lauren will never grow up to have babies. There are a few reported stories of women with Ds growing up to become Mommies. I don't know yet if that is what would be best for Lauren. For Ada, it was apparent years ago that she wouldn't and really shouldn't become a mommy. Yes, she is an incredibly loving and patient person but she tires quickly of responsibilities and doesn't have the common sense to know that a child needs to be fed and played with and bathed and cuddled - every day.
Lauren's story is not yet written.
Having Down syndrome is part of who she is but not all. I can't see into her ovaries to see if it is rich with perfect little eggs ready, someday in the far future, to be united with a life-equaling match.
Perhaps Lauren won't want children because she's so busy with her law career or writing a book.
Her favorite past-times right now are throwing anything and everything with a mighty side-arm, saying NO and cruelly smashing her baby doll into her little stroller.
When I look back at my own childhood, I never imagined that I would be the mother of 5 challenging children, living in Michigan, working as a counselor, still trying to find my way. Our past is a big part of our future, like it or not. As much as we try to accept and work through our issues, they rear their ugly little heads when we let down our guard, and/or find ourselves in moments of doubt. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and say..."OK, you win" (whoever you are). I get it...life is hard and unexpected and not much fun at times. I get that.
But, what are we here for, if not to find what our limits are and then exceed them? We didn't "come with a manual" Dr. Spock, much to the chagrin of Moms and Dads everywhere. We are all stories to be told, myths to be busted and labels to be either represented or mis-proved. We don't have to do anything or everything. We don't have to fulfill anyone else's expectations other than our own...we are both paradox and cliche. We are human--- we are sublime-- we are spiritual and ethereal.
We are all Lauren....a little girl full of promise and surprise...hoping beyond hope, that we will reach our full potential, whatever that may be.
