Sunday, April 4, 2010

their story is not yet written.

Today is Easter which has nothing to do with what's on my mind except in a very roundabout way regarding God and Jesus and how God must have incredible faith in us. All of us. Including kids like Ada and Lauren who have many challenges but much hope.

Hope is the best isn't it? I run out of hope sometimes because I get bogged down and worn out and sad that it is so hard to have the life I want and deserve. Why can't I have lush green grass in my back yard instead of a patchy dirt lawn that the kids enjoy but don't get to enjoy the way I want them to? Why can't my house be clean and free of clutter and peaceful? Why?

Some people believe that children like Lauren will never grow up to have babies. There are a few reported stories of women with Ds growing up to become Mommies. I don't know yet if that is what would be best for Lauren. For Ada, it was apparent years ago that she wouldn't and really shouldn't become a mommy. Yes, she is an incredibly loving and patient person but she tires quickly of responsibilities and doesn't have the common sense to know that a child needs to be fed and played with and bathed and cuddled - every day.

Lauren's story is not yet written.

Having Down syndrome is part of who she is but not all. I can't see into her ovaries to see if it is rich with perfect little eggs ready, someday in the far future, to be united with a life-equaling match.
Perhaps Lauren won't want children because she's so busy with her law career or writing a book.

Her favorite past-times right now are throwing anything and everything with a mighty side-arm, saying NO and cruelly smashing her baby doll into her little stroller.

When I look back at my own childhood, I never imagined that I would be the mother of 5 challenging children, living in Michigan, working as a counselor, still trying to find my way. Our past is a big part of our future, like it or not. As much as we try to accept and work through our issues, they rear their ugly little heads when we let down our guard, and/or find ourselves in moments of doubt. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and say..."OK, you win" (whoever you are). I get is hard and unexpected and not much fun at times. I get that.

But, what are we here for, if not to find what our limits are and then exceed them? We didn't "come with a manual" Dr. Spock, much to the chagrin of Moms and Dads everywhere. We are all stories to be told, myths to be busted and labels to be either represented or mis-proved. We don't have to do anything or everything. We don't have to fulfill anyone else's expectations other than our own...we are both paradox and cliche. We are human--- we are sublime-- we are spiritual and ethereal.

We are all Lauren....a little girl full of promise and surprise...hoping beyond hope, that we will reach our full potential, whatever that may be.


Yo Mamma Mamma! said...

Great post Signe!!!

Cory said...

That was wonderful Signe. I sooo identify with this post. I feel sooo much the same. I use to say that same phrase to my mother-in-law when I was upset that she started my husband smoking when he was 11. She would say to me "ahhh, whats the difference, he turned out fine". I'd say "you don't know that, his story is not written yet, and you don't know what his life could hold"... She was wearing her asshat. LOL! And the dirt patch of a yard... we have that too. LOL!

Melissa said...

Great post and so true! When Claire was born people always asked how "bad" her DS is. My standard answer was that just like any child we don't know what she will do...Will she like sports or prefer to read? Will she grow up to be a teacher, or prefer to work alone? The adventure is just beginning!

one_plustwins said...

We are all Lauren--but my gal wears those red boots better than anyone else I know!

Great post, Signe. You make me smile. And our grandkids will be gorgeous, even if they are only seen in my mind's eye. :o)

PJM and LSM said...

Life is soooo hard and soooo full of unfairness. Even if your backyard is gorgeous, the unfairness and cruelty of life can hit you. All we good and loving people can do is hug our kids and hug each other and hold on to God ,knowing that God will reward us in eternity for our choosing love over hatred. Love you Signe!!! You are one of those loving people who bring joy to the world ..... Thank you !!!

albuu77 said...

i think u should write books. u are an amazing writer i could read you all day! lesss than 3 u

Tracy said...

Well I wish I'd found your blog while I was still pregnant! You write so wonderfully! Ah well, I can follow you now while I grow my "bun" on the outside!


Yvette said...

I love your blog, and I hope this award will inspire you to keep writing! Check out my blog!

Gabe, Curtis and Dav

Future Drummer?

Future Drummer?