Saturday, December 6, 2008

My 6 year old.,,,A Gabe Story

Wow, it's been 6 years since Gabe came into our lives. He was born at our local hospital after a short labor and very long pregnancy. Gabe was conceived, most likely, the morning of our son, Gaven's funeral. After losing Gaven, we wanted so badly to have another little baby boy in our lives. My wish was for a baby that looked just like Gaven. My arms were empty, my heart broken, my spirit unsure. I needed some way to reinvest all of that love I had for my lost boy.

Gabe came to us in a rush of emotions. His initial cries were a bit weak due to a vocal chord strain that occurred during birth. It was short lived! Gabe was a very sleepy baby and appeared unusually tiny at birth (he was @ 7lbs. 11 oz.). Truly, I think that Chaz and I were just so worried about
everything that it was hard to find anything that seemed perfect. He didn't want to nurse at first; he just wanted to sleep. I had nothing to worry about.

But, he did look just like Gaven!

At 6, Gabe is a strapping young man - 62 lbs and almost 4 feet tall. He's beautiful, spirited, difficult, demanding, fun, loving, emotional, fragile, strong-willed and so, so bright.

The fact that Gabe was born almost exactly 9 months after Gaven passed will always leave me in awe. How could this be? What does this mean? What does this say about Gaven's life/death and what does it mean for Gabe? After all, I was breastfeeding then pumping every 2-3 hours. It only took one try to make Gabe.

Gabe's life has been extraordinary. Our love for him surpasses our patience and energy. Gabe wants so much from life: he wants it all!

Whereas Ada was high-strung but obsessively predictable and whereas Nolan was also incredibly bright but very even-tempered, mellow and earnest and whereas Davrin was sweet and eager to please, Gabe was/is a force of nature I had not yet experienced.

What do you do with a boy like this?
You love him, you pay attention, you take breaks, you have meetings with teachers, you find it hard to complain, you find it hard to find people who understand your frustration, you stand in awe, you fear for his life and for your heart.
I don't know that I would survive something happening to Gabe. He has my heart. I love all of my kids and they all occupy special places within my mind, memory, dreams and goals. But, Gabe...Gabe gave me hope, proof of God's presence and something that no one and nothing else could: simply, a baby to love.

Gabe had a party last night at the bowling alley with 16 of his friends and classmates. He is well-liked though probably misunderstood at times. He's physical, demanding, impulsive and fun-loving. He had a really good time and repeatedly told me that he "couldn't believe he was 6"!!

Gabe, who could easily read this blog: I love you! You have inspired me to go on, to live again, to pursue healing and tenderness instead of bitterness and sorrow. You are only 6 but you are so powerful.

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Gabe, Curtis and Dav

Future Drummer?

Future Drummer?