Saturday, October 4, 2008

Acceptance:

Is acceptance a slippery slope, constantly changing and challenging us or is it a one shot deal? I think it comes in stages - sometimes easier than others.
I'm not happy that Lauren has Down Syndrome but I do accept it in the same way that I accept that Gabe is strong-willed and Ada has bi-polar disorder.

I love Lauren's little peculiarities and the fact that she is unbelievable sweet and good-natured (most of the time). I love it that my radar is now tuned into other kids with Down syndrome; I look for it in all of the faces of the children I meet and am disappointed when all I see is a 'typical' child.

When I was 15 weeks pregnant, I had an amnio done to find out more about this baby I was carrying. When the news came, 2 weeks later, that Lauren had DS, I was more than sad. I was angry, dissappointed and filled with disbelief. How could this be? Why? Matching my feelings were my husband, my family members and the medical community in general. "You can terminate" was the most common reaction and for awhile I thought that that would be for the best.

Fortunately, we saw beyond that and realized that there would be no long term peace with that decision. It still frustrates me that that is even presented as an option, so readily and so openly.

The remainder of my pregnancy was filled with great anxiety and angst. While I knew that Lauren would be brought into the world, I wasn't sure that Chaz and I would be the ones raising her. We decided on adoption and found that there were hundreds of families eagerly awaiting the arrival of a child with Down Syndrome into their lives. What a wonderful and amazing thing. We met some loving people who would have given Lauren an amazing life.

Well, it's a long story and obviously we kept Lauren in our family. I have never looked back or regretted that decision in the least.

but, I'll admit that i've spent alot of time since then convincing myself that things were going to be okay. And, Lauren, in her own unique way has spent more time convincing me that she deserves to be here and that things were going to be more than okay. She is a true delight and a great addition to our unique family.

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SWEET LAUREN